For everyone who feels like speaking English....

You're right there Koen!  "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names will never hurt me"

I'm used to the name calling too, being from farm when I went to school in town we were called "teuchters" (Scottish dialect for country bumpkins) or even worse "sheep shaggers"!

Till next time.
 
or even worse "sheep shaggers"
Click to expand...

Well I hate to break the news to ya, but if you're moving to Oz you are asking for it.... Thank god for the Kiwi's the are more known for being so called "sheep shaggers"! :rotflmao:

So why are we moving to down under .... is it just for the SHEEP ?????


Gr.Koen
 
Then you'd best wear a kilt.

Sheep have very sensitive hearing, and they can hear a fly unzipping from a mile away...
 
......... or nothing at all as this apron suggests:

http://www.unionjackwear.co.uk/images/sheepshaggerapron.jpg

Tip:  Wear wellies to put the sheeps legs in to stop it running away  :wink:

This could start off a run of sheep jokes:

Q: What do you call a sheep tied to a lamp post in Inverness (Scotland)?

A:  A leisure centre.......
 
:eek:ops!: (dont'believe this smiley)........... :lmao: :lmao:

don't know any sheep jokes, but anyone else maybe? :up:

Miranda  :)
 
Two sheep herders are flying the herd to a new farm. Suddenly, the engine fails and the plane begins to fall quickly to the ground.

SH1: Quick! Grab a parachute and jump!
SH2: What about the sheep?!?
SH1: F**k the sheep!!!!
SH2: (pause) Do you think we have time?
 
Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole.

"Wow...that looks deep."

"Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is."

They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise.

"Jeeez. That is REALLY deep... here.. throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise."

They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait... and wait. Nothing.

They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT sucker in, it's GOTTA make some noise."

The two men drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole.

Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a sheep appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as it's legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole.

The two men are astonished with what they've just seen... Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over.

Hey... you two guys seen my sheep out here?

You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen! It came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!

Nah, says the farmer, That couldn't have been MY sheep. My sheep was chained to a railroad tie.

(just to take the 'shag' of the 'sheep' :)
 
(and to take the 'shag' back...)

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination. The guy doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant.

The Man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass. "No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them's honking the horn."
 
Good jokes Landmiles, brightened up a dull Monday morning! :-D

A couple months back there was this trial in the West Highland courts. A man was being tried for fornicating with a sheep, since that's illegal after all.

Anyway, the key witness was an old fella who was walking along the highway by the farm where the sheep was raised. The prosecutor asked the witness what he saw: 'Well, I was walkin' along, and saw this sheep just'a eatin' grass. And then this fella walks up from behind the sheep, real quiet-like.'

'And then what?' asked the prosecutor.

'Then he unbuckled his belt, and pulled the sheep close.'

'And what happened after that?'

'Well,' said the witness, 'they sorta shook for a couple of minutes. THEN, afterwards, the sheep turned around... an' licked him!'

Just then one of the members of the jury leaned over to the jury member next to him and said, 'You know .. a good sheep'll do that.
 
Guys,
you can tell as many Jokes as you want , as long as it makes us all laugh ....... :-D :-D :up:

i would tell i joke, but i tend to forget the joke , when a friend as told me a great one ..... :up: :up: ( it always happens ..lol )

Greez

Katrina
 
Well, you can get your laughs at the Jokes thread, we can continue talking English here...

Just thinking of the overnight driving while going to Dakar, to keep each other awake we kept on telling each other jokes over the 27MC. Or we sang songs together. Also, the Bullit Energy Drinks kept our eyes wide open for hours :w00t:
 
Now here i am, trying to write a bit english. It is just for practice. I have seen that all of you can write better english than I can. My grammer is miserable and the dictionary is my greatest friend. But I think that when I'm writing I learn the english language the fasted. (or is it something with quick?)So now I'm writing every day a short letter.  At the IELTS- test I have to score a 4.5 and with the knowledge I have now, I don't think that I can score that. This was it for today.

Greetings Astrid  :fish:
 
:) No worries!

Practice makes perfect. And the ones who refrain from writing here are most probably the ones who have difficulty in doing so ;-) it's just a matter of do or die. So you just keep on writing, reading and listening to English, as much as you can!  :computer: And please don't mind some of the guys here showing off their language skills, they just might write it all in Word and run a spelling and grammar check first :lol:
 
Hi Astrid,

English is my mother tongue, and even I make mistakes  :error:, even more so these days as I speak and write more in Dutch.

Your written English looks pretty good to me, I'm sure a 4.5 will be no problem!  :up:  Like Landmiles says practise makes perfect, so keep up the daily letter.    And there are plenty people on the forum who can help you.

Success!
 
*Landmiles

it's just a matter of do or die.

That's just what I thought, and what I wrote was with the dictionary, because a couple of words I didn't know. I found out that I was right. The more I write, and the words come back in writing, the more I remember without the dictionary. And uh ..... are you make use of te grammar and spelling check?  :wink: :wink:

*Scutch

a 4.5 will be no problem!

I write very slow, so the time will be more the problem. Maybe this will gonna be also better when I practice, practice, practice.

thank you both for your comment.
 
Hey groentje, all of us started with a dictionary in one hand ánd a lot of blood, sweat and tears.... :-D  but practise makes perfect! You'll find that everyone who uses this topic is really helpful and it'll give you the opportunity to practice....
Have fun writing!

Sara
 
Amen to that... :up:

Write here whenever you feel like it, and don't be afraid of the people who write here with a lot of difficult words, they just might make a mistake and you will see how much fun it is to spot that one mistake and rub their nose in it..... :-D

Now without kidding, you are right the more you write and hear the easier it becomes to remember and use the words.
As you might have read in this topic, I have dyslexia and I managed to score a band 8 overall at the ielts test, so you should be able to get that grade without to much trouble. :up:

If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask any of us, we are more than happy to help you in any way.  :up:

Enjoy and just one little note:
Maybe this will gonna be also better when I practice, practice, practice
Click to expand...

Revise this in something like: Maybe this will go better when I practice, practice, practice

Just a thought  :wink:

Greetz,Koen
 
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